ramadan - 2021 [ a reflection; and moving forward ]

There have been many posts piling up in my drafts, unfinished, as of late.

I either felt I didn't have the time to post, or it wasn't a priority at that particular time. I think it was more-so the latter. Though I decided this year I want to chase after the things I am usually so quick to delay, instead of just pushing back to the bottom of my priority list “to do another time”.

Because the time is now. This past year and it's events have particularly influenced me over this change in my course of thinking.

And so, as I was pondering on what content I could get finished up quickly and put out there, the month of ramadan arrived.

We seem to be going full circle here as one of my earliest posts was on the month of ramadan and the feelings and blessings that come along with it.

I began writing up this draft at the start of the month, and now, Eid is round the corner and we've made it to the end yet again.

The past year has been incredibly hectic, not to mention tragic.

In fact, whilst uploading content to this blog did come to mind, it just didn't seem fitting, considering the current situations we were constantly in. For some reason, we were under the impression that the pandemic would be over by now - yet we are far from that.

Here we are a year later, and it seems the situation has not much changed - we're in our new normal.

2020 was not only full of loss, but it spilled over into the new year.

Suddenly, writing posts on how to survive through the pandemic didn't seem relevant anymore; we were all going through it and talking about it as a temporary thing we'll all get through was, yes, optimistic, but also not the reality for some.

As we wait for the populations to get vaccinated, as we wait in quarantine yet again this ramadan, I just want to focus on expressing the daily gratitude I ought to feel in that I have made it this far today. So many people haven't.

To spend 2 ramadans in a row, in lockdown in the midst of a pandemic, doesn't feel like an accomplishment. But it is, to be able to say that, healthy and breathing, alive. It’s more than what we realise we need.

This ramadan I focused on counting my blessings .

I intend on making another post in the future about how I have tuned into my current self in this new lockdown period, but essentially, its the idea - continued from a practice I started this time last year, in our first lockdown of the pandemic - of listing 3 things I’m grateful for, each day.

Waking up and counting my blessings.

A task so small, yet so necessary, so effective. 

I didn't actually realise how much so, until I began. The whole feeling around the entire day changes, before it’s even begun. An air of appreciation for not only the matieralistic luxuries we have in life that we take for granted, but to be around family, friends, loved ones, to be alive and to say the same of the ones who surround us. There is so much more to be grateful for and I often wonder whether I'd have realised that as soon as I have, if it wasn't for the pandemic.

Moving forward, not only do I want to focus on counting my blessings, but becoming a better person. Controlling my negative tendencies, reaching out to the ones I love, putting my upmost effort into everything I do, praying 5x. day... Why? Because tomorrow is not guaranteed. It never has been, but in light of recent circumstances this feeling is ever more present.

A reflection to all of those who struggles mentally, physically, financially, emotionally this past year. Sometimes it takes complete darkness for us to adjust our eyes to the light that is ever-shining at the end of it all.

love, hana